The Year Of Curiosity

There have been few years in my life so exploratory in nature that they have adjusted my entire mindset. In my late teen years a new found interest in science and facts and their ability to navigate what is and isn’t true, became the bedrock of who I was. At the time I felt as though the world could walk in a direction of research and follow the scientific method and logically the universes answers would reveal themselves. Perhaps nearly a decade later this foundation has begun to change.

In my year of curiosity I took time to challenge myself and branch out further. I wanted to open myself up to new kinds of thinking and allow people who’s views differ from mine into my life. I’d planned to try new things and find new hobbies. To start this journey I reconnected with people I had avoided because of snap judgments I had made, but I chose to drop those assumptions and discovered new wonderful friends. I also risked it all and got my first tattoo to mark my families history and it’s reconciled future. My partner and I finally adopted a rescue cat who’s curiosity of the world brings me daily joy. My weekends became adventures with my partner and I, to explore the tourist locations we never had the time to try or pushing our social boundaries to make new friends in new places.

I assumed this slow curiosity would continue to be a slow burn that led me to new kinds of self awareness and new passions. As the year progressed a simple health related podcast began an avalanche of change. The core concept of the podcast is that ‘health’ is complex and deeply individual. There is no ‘one size fits all’ advice and there are holes in the methodology of a lot of what makes up our basic scientific knowledge. People should question some of the long held beliefs of the health and wellness industry.

Now, I am aware that repeating the ideas heard on a podcast is ridiculous and literally anyone can make a podcast and say anything they like and this is how we end up with people believing ‘the earth is flat..’. I take this information with the skepticism it deserves, although I do find the idea that there isn’t any health or weight loss advice that fits everyone compelling. On a personal level my body is technically considered “overweight” by the default metrics used across the world. But any discussion with a doctor ends with “your body weight is healthy” and to look at me you wouldn’t categorise me as overweight. My body is evidence that there are errors in the system. Perhaps the idea that we should abandon overarching “good for everyone” tropes in favour of open conversation with individual focus would be a benefit for the world. It could be, that my previous belief that there is a logical answer for everyones health or life’s problems was incorrect. Now enter, the replication crisis.

For the uninitiated the replication crisis is “an ongoing methodological crisis in which the results of many scientific studies are difficult or impossible to reproduce”. I first heard about this groundbreaking scientific issue a few months into the year, and it continued the crumbling of my “science is everything” mindset. The knowledge that the scientific method could be flawed started to bend my fabric of reality. Studies with common societal information could be wrong, and I personally don’t have the skills or time to clarify what is real and what is false. My heart felt like humanity was adrift in an ocean of endless knowledge mixed with lies are truth. Luckily, scientists much smarter than me across the world have already begun the work to tackle this crisis, and I believe in time these issues will be sorted.

However, I am still left shaken and questioning. My very identity is the ‘logical’ thinker and suddenly I found myself requiring personal clarity on what I consider ‘truth’. After much consideration I decided that my understanding of “truth” is an “overwhelming agreement by trustworthy industry experts of what is current fact”. This definition gave me a way to hold back the spiral my mind had become, and in an effort to relax, I focused on my passion and my upcoming holiday.

Darwin in the mid year months is stunning, the sun sets in a gold and red picture perfect glow and combined with seeing family, it was the space I needed to refocus. I soaked in the heat and wondered, mask on, in the crowded markets. I felt joyful that I could travel and be in crowded places again after the pandemic had eased. As I filtered through the stalls I found a rack of bright and unique hand made shirts. Fashion has always been an interest for me, and in this year of curiosity I pushed my personal style with new bright colours. But once again I hit a world on the verge of change, returning home I began to notice more of my fashion style challenged. For the first time in a decade I was putting away my skinny jeans in favour of straight legs, and instead of my no name minimalist shirts, I reached for my old screen printed bright t-shirts. Once again everything I thought I new was changing and I found myself asking “are flairs back in style?”and “why do my 90’s style shoes look so good?”. This changing aesthetic creeped into my home and fairly quickly an ending winter season brought new houseplants, and my long standing minimalism adapted into a cosy clutter. My ongoing push for curiosity kept my mind wondering “would this look good?, “should I display this picture?” and “this space needs something”.

I rearranged our home and jumped from hobby to hobby until a reminder in my calendar popped up on my phone. “Doctors appointment, seek advice on a diagnosis”. Thanks to the world of endless social media algorithms, it became apparent in the lead up to the later part of the year that I share many symptoms of a behavioural disorder, and after much discussion I decided to seek a diagnosis. Little did I know the Australian mental healthcare system is in crisis and an appointment wouldn’t be available until 2023. So I was in limbo wondering and waiting to know why I am the way I am, and with so many things in flux, by October I began to suffer from the anxieties I had tackled in the past. Unclear of truth, curious to know if my personality should be questioned, lost in information and spiralling once again. Then I felt her hand in mine and some stability found me.

In 2022 I got married to the love of my life. There are very few words to describe what love and partnership feels like and without my wife I would be lost. In a year of exploring my curiosities she keeps me grounded while joining me on adventures. When I feel like I know nothing, I know I want to be with her. This year has made me question my identity in new ways and I find myself in the beginning of a new phase of life. With a new more open outlook, a life time partner in my wife, and a winding world ahead. I believe it is time I take apart what was ‘me’ and rebuild. It’s time to build a new personal core and lay the groundwork in the year of foundation.