The year of good

It’s New Year’s Eve. “10!…” I look at my sister across the crowded room, we’re fighting about what song we should play for everyone at midnight in “7!..” seconds. I don’t know what she’s doing, we normally choose a song we both like playing, something really fun and modern, but she “4!!”. Wants to play some song from a musical I’ve never seen! “3!..” and why can’t she pick a song I “2!..” know. “1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!!”.

Her song plays. Moments later I scold her for her song choices and by 10 minutes past midnight she’s in tears, and I feel like an awful brother. I become an awful brother. Luckily my sister and I get along and after I apologised we ‘hugged it out’ ending the night on a good note. Not the best start for “The Year Of Good”.

Throughout the year I’ve found myself returning to this memory. The moment I was supposed to focus on my new yearly theme, a keen focus on morals and being ‘good’ and I fail, instantly. This night was the reminder that failure is always part of the journey and I should always keep my ‘why?’ front of mind.

Thinking back to 12 months ago and what sparked The year of good’ I am not ashamed to say I was influenced by tv shows and podcasts. While listing to some commentary from the creator of ‘The Good Place’ I felt a harmony with his vision of living a moral life. A voice inside me echoing the thought, “I could be better”, “I could be – good”.

By May ‘good’ was an all-encompassing term for my life. Make good food choices, support my future wife, be a good friend and do good work. But while I was making progress these moral choices were becoming some kind of “moral high ground” I could stand on to hold myself above others, like I was better than everyone else. A hard fault to fix, and an understandable one, if I am trying so hard to make morally right choices and trying to live my life in a way to influence ‘good’ in all. Why are others so poor? Why are people so mean? Why aren’t others doing the bare minimum of being decent to each other?

This figurative high horse was only made worse when my country (like so many world-wide in 2019) elected a more conservative government. All of a sudden it seemed the whole world was losing its knowledge, love, and kindness and everyone seemed focused on themselves rather than the community as a whole. Arguments like “well a [insert socially helpful program here] would make my tax higher” and responses like “Why should I be respectful of others [gender, beliefs, culture] when they aren’t respecting mine”. I completely lost my cool and got angry. I went on a tirade, snakily attacking everyone who wasn’t on my side, using ageist remarks and pushing my views of the world. However, my theme was not gone, and after a very long depressing winter, I started to see hope again. By summer I had clarified my vision, The Year Of Good as a balance between respect for others and fighting the good fight, inform the uninformed don’t insult them. To those I disrespected earlier this year – I apologise. We can disagree and be kind to one another.

Now I am not much more than I was 12 months ago, however, just like New Year’s Eve failure is part of the journey. Today I remind myself of my ‘why’ which is that I believe change starts with action, and good can influence good. I commit once again to being more. I commit to being supportive, giving, loving, aware and open. I commit to being the best I can be, without the judgement of others.

I commit – to the year of commitment.